Crunch, Crunch
by lookslikeajobforthewinchesters
Summary: Bella tried...she really did. But then she gave up. Fortunately for her, the Cullens didn't, even when they weren't around. They also disagreed with Edward's decision to leave. Well, Emmett did. So did the others. They were just afraid. Emmett wasn't.


**Crunch, Crunch**

Carlisle Cullen Rocks My World

Crunch, crunch.

Crunch, crunch.

Footsteps. They were mine, yes. Mostly. Something was hidden beneath them, whispering in my ear. I recognized the sound of this whispered undertone, but from where, I did not know. I did know that I was desperate to know what it was.

I began walking again, determined not to stop. It would only make the other set of footfalls cease and I would no longer be able to hear it. As soon as I stepped out, it followed me.

Crunch, crunch.

So quiet that I barely heard it. Who on earth had such a gentle pace? Not anyone I knew. Not someone I remembered clearly, at least. Not clearly at all…an old family friend, perhaps? But why would a friend of mine be following me in the middle of the night? Why would they not simply call out to me, let me know they were there?

Of course, normal human instinct should be screaming for me to run, to be afraid of what I couldn't see in the darkness. I should be panicking at the fact that I was being followed down a remote country road at quarter to one in the morning. But I was far from normal, wasn't I? There was nothing normal about an eighteen year old girl whose heart had been ripped to shreds and stomped upon forcefully. Nothing normal about a teenager who loved a vampire that had ruined her, played with her heart until he got bored.

No, I decided. I was definitely not normal. Apparently, this midnight-strolling friend agreed. They kept pace with me, making sure to stop when I did. Perhaps, I wondered almost hopefully, they would kill me and put an end to this misery. Maybe I wouldn't have to do it myself.

Maybe.

That was, of course, the reason for my early morning – _very_ early morning – promenade through an area of Forks that people rarely ventured into. Putting an end to it all.

I just felt so guilty! I had promised, hadn't I? Promised to keep away from that rash side of me that always ended up hurting others. _Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?_ Those words had haunted me for months, increasing to a constant scream in my head after I had made my decision seven weeks ago. And I hated them.

What right did he have, ordering me around after he had thoroughly crushed my every reason for living? Where did he get off telling me what to do, even if he didn't care what happened to me? How come he was allowed to make choices about my life after he decided I didn't matter?

It made me angry, the hold he still had on me. I hated how he could control me, even after he had gone. I hated how I couldn't break a promise to him, even though it had quite obviously been made while I was numb from head to toe and didn't have the faintest clue what he was asking of me. I hadn't known how much I would want to break his promise after I became coherent again.

But, really, this wasn't reckless or stupid. Maybe desperate, but there was always a difference. No, reckless didn't fit this situation. I had been planning it for months. Stupid wasn't quite right, either. Could a last attempt to escape every horror I had faced in my short eighteen years truthfully be called stupid? Not by anyone who had seen me since September.

Crunch, crunch.

I walked faster, hoping for the other steps to increase, as well. They did and I smiled. Who ever said you couldn't have a last laugh? Abruptly, I stopped and the other pair of feet scuffled to a halt a second after mine. In my mind, they had been farther away than they now sounded. Had their stride length increased with the pace of each step? It seemed logical.

Right now, though, I didn't particularly care. My destination loomed about a quarter mile ahead of me, raising high into the sky. It was proud, and inviting. I had never seen something quite so inviting in my entire life. Except, maybe – just maybe – his smile. That crooked one that rendered me quite thoughtless.

This, though. This was a completely different kind of inviting. That smile had always been something I needed, yes, but in a different kind of way. It had made me ecstatic, warmhearted. I had needed that smile to draw my own lips into one. It had made me happy.

This made me happy, too, in a way. Not the warm, loving kind of happy. The satisfied, smug type of happy. I was almost there, and no one could stop me. If _she_ saw me know, they couldn't get here. Not even if they wanted to.

That was good, too. They wouldn't want to save me. It made my plan foolproof. _She_ wouldn't be looking, so she wouldn't see. He wouldn't know because no one would tell him. He was the ex-boyfriend who was superiorly hated by all who still loved me.

That thought did make me pause mid-step, only for a second. All who still loved me. Hmm. Charlie, Angela, maybe Jacob. Mike might be upset for a while, too. I didn't worry about him, though. Jessica would help him through this.

Renée. It was still hard to think about her. Two months ago, her life had been cut short by a quick and sudden bout of leukemia in November, just two months after the disappearance of my love. Did everything have to go away? A tear slipped from my eye as I remembered my mother's disorganized ways. Would I always miss her so much? Yes, I realized. I would; I was ending 'always' in a few short minutes.

Charlie would be angry. I knew that much for certain. He had been so controlling of me since…since Renée. Renée had always held his heart together like glue. As long as she was still out there, as long as he could still hope in his heart that she might come back, he was happy. The phone call from my grandmother had changed everything. He was terrifying.

Angela would be so hurt by this. The last few weeks, since I had begun to push through my protective shell, she had been there for me every second of the day. We had talked endlessly, about anything I wanted. She had almost been like therapy, in a way. I tried not to imagine her hurt when she discovered I was gone and I hadn't said goodbye, told her my plans, or anything.

Jacob…he would be so angry with me. I knew it, too. He had begun to spring me from my personal prison and force me into the sunlight once again. He had brought me out of reclusion. He had loved me, too. He would be so mad.

Crunch, crunch.

I was starting to get angry. Could this person not just do what they had come to do or leave? The suspense was killing me and I was waiting impatiently for what I had been waiting for since I made my decision weeks ago. I had spent so much time waiting. I had been trying desperately to find a way around my promise to him. I had finally found it.

Crunch, crunch.

I thought of calling out to them, alerting them to the fact that I knew they were there, but decided against it. If they wanted to hurt me – kill me, whatever – they would want the satisfaction of my surprise when they struck the final blow to my body.

Yes, the final blow. There had been so many others.

I remembered the first, a complete accident while shaving in the shower. Me, being clumsy as I was, had slipped and sliced a long gash in my thigh. And it had felt so wonderful. The pain, something besides the deadness in my heart, had felt so incredibly alive. I had begun to come out of my shadow that day. The pain had made me realize that, though I wouldn't be here for long, I should make the most of what time I had.

Every day, I had continued with my self-mutilation. Every day brought a new red line along my forearms. I had smiled as the blood poured from them. It was oddly satisfying, knowing that what made me so happy would make someone like him so tortured and pained. Before that time, blood had been so horribly disgusting and I hadn't wanted to come within thirty feet of even a Band-Aid. Now, it made me smile.

Crunch, crunch.

The sound of my follower's footsteps made me conscious of my own. With the next step, I heard a difference in my footing. I had moved from gravel to cement and I was beginning an ascent to the top.

I kept walking until I was sure I had started back onto flat ground. The footsteps inched closer to me, unaware that I could hear them. They were just twenty feet off, by the sounds of it. I stood for a moment, wondering what might happen next. When my companion made no more movement to come nearer, I grabbed the nearest suspension pole on this old bridge and swung a leg over.

There was still no movement from this mysterious escort, so I swung a second leg over the rail, letting them dangle over the water that lay a hundred feet below. I felt a rush of adrenaline coursing through my veins.

Slowly, carefully, I stood on the railing of the rundown suspension bridge and felt the wind make me sway slightly. The breeze felt nice. I hadn't been outside much, except for when I was at Jake's down in La Push. I inhaled the salty air and glanced down at the moon reflecting off the water. Would it hurt? I didn't think that was a deciding factor at this point. Of course it would hurt. Wouldn't dying always hurt?

I wondered vaguely if the impact would kill me. Well, it was January. If the force didn't, the cold would.

I bent my knees slightly, wondering if it would be more exhilarating to jump or to just…fall. To fall to my death, like I had with him. Falling until I was destroyed by something so much more powerful than myself. Yes, falling was much better. Jumping would make it seem like I had a choice in what overtook me. That wasn't true. When had I ever chosen to be brought down?

A wave washed over a rock, spraying up a few feet, and I stared as the water crashed around the countless boulders and jagged rocks that jutted out of the water's surface. This would hurt, badly. _What hasn't hurt lately_, I asked myself passively. Not much, I knew.

Shakily, I loosened my fingers from the wooden post that I clung to so hopelessly. I wobbled dangerously for a moment before regaining my balance. I took a deep breath, inhaling the cool January air – not too frigid that the water was frozen, but cold enough to make me long for the icy arms that had once held me so lovingly to a stone chest.

And I fell.

It was a blissful few seconds, if that much, as I fell towards the wintry waters below. It seemed like I had barely fallen when I was gripped around the wrist by something disturbingly frosty. I was wrenched back onto the bridge and held firmly to something equally as cool as the thing that had snatched me out of thin air.

"What do you think you're doing?" The ice demanded angrily, fury making the tight embrace even more forceful. I didn't answer because, quite frankly, this thing had recently stopped me from doing what I had been waiting for since December. It shook me, gripping my upper arms firmly in anger.

The pain of this person's grip was pleasant, as I hadn't managed to cause myself any pain yet today. I deliberately ignored the demands and ultimatums that were being thrown in my face, simply to make whoever this was hurt me more.

"Bella! Listen to me!" The person roared heatedly, shaking me once again. I almost cried out as my neck wrenched more painfully than any mark I had made upon my skin. A small whimper escaped my lips and I was instantly released. "Bella?"

"What?" I asked tonelessly. I hated this person. I truly did. How could they stop me from my ultimate desire? What had I done to them to deserve this punishment?

"What the Hell are you doing?"

"Well, I was _trying_ to put an end to this onslaught of numbness." I muttered, leaning back against the bridge railing. One icy hand gripped mine as if afraid to let me go.

"What do you mean? Put and end to it?"

"My God, you are dense. You know, committing suicide? Now, I would be much easier to do if you would back off, whoever you are." I said in frustration as this person drew me closer with a muffled gasp. I was, once again, crushed against a stony chest.

"W-why would you do that, Bella?" The person's voice was shaking, threatening to lose control. I thought it to be anger, but the choked sob led me to think it was sadness, instead.

"To get away from this." I whispered. A lonely tear tracked its way down my cheek, falling onto the cool hand of this person I didn't know. "Who are you?"

There was silence for a moment, in which a large hand came to rest on my cheek softly. I could vaguely make out a figure in the pitch blackness of this night, on the new moon, and I was looming tall and muscular in front of me.

"Don't you remember?" Came the fearfully whispered question. In the darkness, a rabbit or a squirrel took off through the undergrowth of the forest on the other end of the bridge. Knowing, somehow, that this person would be able to see it even in this dark, I shook my head in negative. "No? It's Emmett, Bella. Do you remember me?"

Emmett. A Cullen. The reason I was standing here tonight, arguing about my death. The reason I wanted to die.

I sank to the ground slowly, my knees going weak with fear and horror. Why would he come here, of all places? Why to a remote little bridge in the middle of nowhere? Why to the one place that I happened to be?

A sob escaped me, wracking my fragile body with its force. Emmett dropped to his knees beside me, wrapping his arms around my too-skinny shoulders protectively. He rocked me, back and forth, back and forth, waiting for my weeping to cease. It took several minutes of this, me clinging to him and him whispering warm words into my ear, before I was finally able to calm down enough to form a few words.

"Emmett, Emmett, Emmett…" I whispered, my voice raspy from tears and disuse. He kissed my hair lovingly, stroking down my back with one hand while the other held me to him round the waist.

"Oh, Bella, what's happened to you?" He breathed, his usually cheerful voice was anguished and angry. I flinched away from the emotions there, fearing that they were directed at me. I hadn't meant to hurt anyone, or make them angry. I had only wanted to escape this torture myself.

"I don't want to talk about it, Emmett." I murmured back, tears still dripping onto his arms and chest frantically. He stiffened suddenly, apparently hearing something I couldn't. "What, Em? What is it?"

He plunged a hand inside his jeans pocket, pulling a vibrating cell phone out of it angrily. He looked at the ID before flipping it open with a few choice words that made my eyes widen slightly.

"What?" He growled angrily into the mouthpiece. A sudden, high-pitched flow of words began flowing through the phone so loudly and hysterically that I could hear the panicked voice on the other end.

Alice's voice rang through the receiver loudly and feverishly. Emmett growled and punched the ground with a fist.

"Stop! It doesn't matter, Alice. I'm sure Bella's fine. Leave me alone!" He spoke firmly, irritably, and slammed the phone shut forcefully. I could see the outline of his massive body in the slowly appearing sun. It was hunched and furious, almost ready to pounce.

"Emmett?" I asked softly. He leaned closer, kissing my forehead gently.

"Yes, Bella?"

"Kill me, please." I begged. "Do it now. You don't even have to bite me, just crush me or something. I don't care, just let me go."

"Bella." He sighed, leaning away from me a few inches. I struggled after him, knowing that his reason for trying to keep a bit of distance was that he must be thirsty. I knew that my being close to him was hard. I knew that, if I pushed hard enough, he would snap.

"Emmett, I love you. You know I do. But that's just it. Everyone I love ends up leaving. I love them all so much, but the go away all the time!" I cried, lunging for the edge of the bridge once more. "And I don't want to be here when you leave, too!"

"I'm not leaving, not ever." He promised, his strong voice husky with emotion. I punched him in the chest, hard, hurting my hand.

"Don't lie to me! You know you're only staying until I promise not to do anything stupid! Really, I don't know why you bother with someone as messed up as me!" I shouted, ripping myself from his arms angrily. I stalked off into the dark, daring him to follow. If he did, I might be able to listen, just maybe.

Crunch, crunch.

I whirled around to find my face pressed up against my big brother's chest. I threw my arms around him, kissing every inch of his face, neck, shoulders and chest. God, I loved him.

"Oh, Emmett!" I whispered passionately. "Take me with you!"

I felt his grin against my ear and his arms tightened around my waist triumphantly. In an instant, I was on his back like I used to do with _him_ and we were flying. Flying, better than falling from a bridge had been, better than the blood that dripped from my arms every morning. Just better.

With a sudden jolt, we were stopped and I was buckled into his big jeep. A flash of his old grin came twinkling my way and, with a squeal of the tires, we were racing towards wherever we were going.

I spent the majority of this journey clutching my seat in panic. Had the Cullens always been such…perilous drivers? I almost laughed at my own question. Of course they had been. After several hours, I realized it was nearly time for me to wake up for school and I had not yet slept. Of course, counting the hours you have been awake for always made you exhausted and I was asleep within minutes.

I dreamt of the bridge, of falling. I loved falling. It was so wonderfully freeing, so brilliantly reckless, so blissfully liberating. I had never felt as…self-controlled as I had in those milliseconds before Emmett caught my wrist.

In my dream, I was standing upon the bridge, swaying in the wind as I had earlier this night. I had gripped the pole to my right, desperate for one more reason to live. When my gaze had turned to see what I held in my hand, I saw nothing but the thin, black handle of a knife, gripped in my hand tightly. Without warning, without my doing so, I brought the knife to my wrist and pressed down gently. The cold metal felt wonderful. It felt even more wonderful as I pierced my skin cleanly and took away from the pain in my dead heart. I smiled, whispering to myself 'the blade always makes it better, Bella. You know that.'

I awoke to someone shaking my shoulders roughly, their fingers digging into my skin too firmly. I tensed, wondering if I was being attacked. My eyes shot open to see Emmett's terrified face looming over me. He was gasping, shaking almost.

"Bella?" He whispered. His voice was trembling, his lower lip quivering ever so slightly. I reached out to his cheek, pressing my finger tips to his cool skin lightly. I was concerned for my brother.

I noticed we were pulled over on the side of the road, a highway. The interstate, by the looks of it. Had we crashed? Had Emmett been met with that horribly overwhelming scent of his la tua cantante again?

"Emmett? Are you alright? What's wrong?" I asked, almost frantically. I reached up to my shoulders, gently pushing away his hands that were sure to leave bruises already. His kissed my fingers worriedly.

"The blade, Bella? It makes it better?"

Oh.

I had been talking again. I hung my head slightly, unsure of what to say. Why did I have to say that out loud? Why did the words I spoke while sleeping always betray me so much? I felt Emmett's hands on my jaw again and slowly lifted my head.

"It made me feel better, Em. I – I never meant to keep doing it. It just happened one day in the shower while I was shaving my legs and…and it felt so good. It was so nice to feel something, you know? So I kept doing it." I could feel his hands shaking against my forearms. The tears were starting to fall again, trickling down from the corners of my eyes and onto his hands silently. "It made me feel strong, too, being able to face something he couldn't. Don't…don't be mad, Em. Please."

"Don't be mad? Bella, you've been mutilating yourself! Of course I'm going to be mad!" He growled, seizing my wrists in his iron grip. He wrenched back my sleeves, twisting my inner forearms upwards roughly to reveal the numerous pink – some still laced red with dried blood – lines decorating my skin. I gasped in pain at his forceful movements, joyously adoring the sharpness of it. "Stop it, Bella!"

"Or what?" I hissed, my lips twisting into an angry smirk. "You'll hit me? That would be nice."

"No! I'll tell Charlie."

I froze.

"You wouldn't." I whispered. He raised an eyebrow.

"I would. You need help, Bells."

"I don't need help, Emmett! There's nothing wrong with me!" I shouted, tearing my arms from his grasp and shoving my sleeves back over the skin. "Get away from me!"

I launched myself out of the parked jeep, flying across the arterial highway. I didn't get far before Emmett's arms were thrusting me out of the way of a quickly moving Sears truck. I hit the pavement, skidding several feet. My dear brother's grip on my breakable body never let up and I opened my eyes to come face to face with his petrified features.

"Oh, God, Bella. I thought you were dead." He whispered in horror. His broad shoulders shook against me, his breaths coming in petrified gasps. He lay with me in his solid arms on the side if the road, trembling and whispering my name over and over. "Oh, Bella…Bella, Bella…I thought…oh, don't you ever… never, Bella…"

"Emmett." I growled, still angry. I shoved his chest as hard as I could. "Get off of me! Leave me alone!"

"No!" He roared, gripping me even harder. I struggled to breathe, wiggling out of his clutches the best I could. We lay on the side of the highway, shaking – me – and sobbing in terror and remembered fear – Emmett. His hold around my waist did not let up at all and I accepted that he would be letting go gradually – very gradually.

"Emmett, let's just go, okay?" I finally managed to ask, attempting to pry his strong arms from around my waist. He shook his head, still whispering nonsensical words into my stomach. I grabbed the sides of his head and wrenched on it as hard as I could, letting him know I wanted him to look at me. He did. "Look. I'm sorry. I won't do it again. Let's just get back on the highway and continue on our merry way to…wherever you're taking me."

"O-okay." He muttered, shocked that I had acquired enough confidence to speak back to him with an opinion. I suppose my whole 'I'm-depressed-so-I-do-anything-you-say' thing was getting a little out of control. Especially when he gave me a look that questioned my well-being after I refused to wipe the dirt off his back for him when he asked ever-so-nicely.

"Ready?" I asked him as I finished buckling my seatbelt. We were tearing out of there before I had time to finished the word, flying down the highway and making the other cars appear to be going backwards. Except for the fact that the trees were a blur even fifty feet away. "So, where are we headed?"

"Surprise." He grunted, shooting me a glare. I jumped in surprise. He had always been so kind, the nicest and most human of all the Cullens, despite his weird tendency to pick up _his_ Volvo when he got angry.

"Fine. Where are we now, then?"

"Yukon." He said shortly. "Up by Whitehorse."

"Oh." So we were in Canada, almost at Alaska. The Cullen family was staying with the Denali Coven, then? Great. That's exactly what I needed. Him _and_ Tanya all in one day. "You know, maybe you should just drop me off here. I'll get a bus or something back to Charlie's."

"Bella, we've been driving for twenty four hours. It'll take you three days on a bus to get back there. Besides, Edward will want to talk to you." He shot me a sidelong glance, nodding at my forearms. "About that."

"Great. Need I remind you that he said nothing rash or stupid? Alleviating pain has never been stupid, Emmett." I pointed out, ignoring the stinging in the corners of my eyes. I shook my head, ignoring the throbbing sensation that had taken its place in my brain after I had smacked my skull off the pavement on the side of the highway. "And I highly doubt jumping off a bridge could be called rash. Not when you've been planning it for months."

"Months, Bells? Why didn't you tell somebody?" His face was pained, like I'd hurt him personally by attempting to end my pain and suffering. His forehead was creased with anxiety, thoughts I wasn't aware of plaguing his mind. "Someone could have helped."

"And risk having them stop me?" I asked incredulously. "Or toss me in an asylum like they did Alice? I'm not crazy, Emmett, and I don't need anyone's help."

"Yes, you do. And I didn't say you were crazy."

"Well, it's sounding like you are. Besides, if I need anyone's help, it's certainly not any of you guys that's got what I need." I said stubbornly. Emmett's hands gripped the steering wheel tighter in his anger. "All that any of you have done has only made things worse."

"I've done nothing to you, Bella." He said lowly, leaving indents in his steering wheel. "Nothing. It was him and you know it."

"That's exactly it, Emmett. You've done nothing. You up and left with him and didn't bother saying goodbye." I shot him a sympathetic look when his shoulders fell slightly in guilt. "Besides, it's not as if anything matters anymore. You might feel guilty for leaving me all alone, but everyone else was happy to go."

"I'm not guilty, Bella. That's a lie. I feel incredibly guilty, but that's not why I've come back for you. I missed you."

"Sure. Whatever. That's still just you." I indicated, tapping my fingers on my knees. I didn't believe him for a second, but agreeing was easier than arguing. "Everyone else has moved on with their merry lives and forgotten the complete screw up that is Bella Swan."

"You're not a screw up."

"Right. And you're really eighteen."

"No, I'm not, Bells. You know that." He muttered, still staring straight ahead. Obviously, points had been completely missed.

"Exactly."

"You're wrong, Bella."

"Is it your mission to argue everything I say?" I asked mildly, fiddling with the hem of my sweater. It was the single item of clothing I had managed to salvage when _he_ left. The reason being? I was wearing it when he took everything else. Heaven forbid he take it off of me.

It had been a birthday present from Alice, two days before everyone left. It was blue, his favourite, and that uber-soft cashmere that Alice loved so much. The neck was a wide V and the it was knitted in rib knits to make me look taller, apparently. Alice must know quite a bit about making herself look taller, considering.

I hadn't worn it since then, which was the first time I had worn it at all. To me, it was cursed – ready to bring horror every time it was worn. I figured today was a good day to un-retire it, seeing as I would be leaving them all behind. Well, if things had gone according to planned and I hadn't wound up speeding down the highway at…what was it? Dear Lord! 110 miles per hour! But, as it is, I did wind up speeding down the highway at 110 miles per hour.

"Of course. I'm always right." There was a flash of that smile that hadn't left his face but twice when I was around him before he…left. The time James, Victoria, and Laurent were after me and when Jasper had done the deed that sent everyone I loved running away as if they're very existence depended on it.

"Oh, dear! I'm so sorry, I completely forgot!" I cried in fake horror of what I had done. "Imagine that! Forgetting that Emmett Cullen is always right! Oh, the horror!"

"Yeah," He smiled. "The horror."

We settled down into near silence, except for my breathing and the sound of the tires whirring on the cold pavement. It was a comfortable silence and I realized that I was actually content. I wasn't fighting some internal battle to stop myself from running up to the bathroom and running my razor over a new patch of skin to ease the nothingness inside. I wasn't choking on my sobs in the middle of the night – which, I noticed, was about the time it was again – because I couldn't stop the tears from coming after yet another dream of him saying, in that cold voice of his, that he didn't want me anymore. I wasn't good for him.

"So, Emmett, how's Rosalie been?" I asked, feeling the silence grow awkward as I thought about how it wasn't. A smiled spread over his face, overtaking any worry or anger lines on his beautiful face.

"She's been great, actually. Missing you like crazy, but great."

I snorted. Rosalie, missing me? Yeah, okay. And I'm the head honcho of a tax scam in Morocco.

"No, really! She has. At least once a day, she takes a little toodle up to Edward's room and smashes a random CD while muttering what a jerk-off he was to up and leave you just because he's a worry wart." Emmett was nodding his head enthusiastically to convince me. "She mentions you even more than Alice does, actually, and Alice is on us every day to just take a little vacation to Forks so she can even see you through the window when you're sleeping."

I was silent for a moment.

"That's really creepy that she wants to see me sleep." I said idly, trying to forget all the nights _he_ had spent watching me dream. Had the thousand times I said I loved him not penetrated that thick skull of his?

Emmett laughed, reaching over to ruffle my hair gently. I sighed, my only indication that this trip was far longer than I really wanted it to be. I had spent nearly thirty hours in this car and I hadn't gone pee yet. Or eaten.

"How much farther?"

"About four hours. Why? Bored?"

"No." I said, dancing a little and squeezing my legs together desperately. "I'm starving and I have to pee."

"Oh!" He exclaimed, looking slightly surprised. "I forgot you had to do that."

Of course he did. I was a minor human blimp in his all-vampire lifestyle.

Before I knew it, we were pulling off an exit and into a little plaza with a bunch of different restaurants to choose from. It was the middle of Alaska, yet Emmett managed to find me a Starbucks and a McDonalds. Wonderful.

I wandered out of the bathroom in Starbucks after relieving myself – a feeling that could only be identified with by those who have attempted not to pee for nearly a day and a half after drinking approximately thirteen bottles of water, to see Emmett just walking out the door toward the jeep with a Grande Vanilla Latte in one hand and an enormous white chocolate macadamia nut cookie in the other. I decided that this was the time to follow him back to the jeep, seeing as that was most definitely _not_ for himself.

Sliding into the passenger's seat, I closed the door behind me, cursing myself for not owning a jacket at the moment. He might have warned me that I was not headed anywhere warm when we set out. A freaking snowsuit might have been nice. Down-filled, with battery powered heaters. This is one of the very few times in my life that I have wished Jacob Black was there to warm me up.

"Here you go, Bells." Emmett said cheerfully, quite obviously holding his breath. "A Big Mac, Vanilla Latte, and a giant cookie. How much better does life get?"

"Aw, Emmett!" I said, touched that he hadn't simply catered to my coffee needs, but the hunger, too. "You're so sweet!"

"I know."

"Now I know why your jeep is so huge." I said. "It's so your overly large head will fit in here with your overly large body."

"Yep. Was there ever any question as to why I had an enormous car?"

"No."

I ate and he muttered about how disgusting it smelled and looked and sounded when I chewed it. He asked random questions like 'how the Hell do you not gag with every bite?' and 'I wonder what humans see in a meal that's already dead and cooked. Are they just lazy?'. I had to mention to him more than once that a regular human diet consisted of more than just blood, which he seemed to think was preposterous until I pointed out that bears ate blueberries like they were going out of style. That shut him up.

I was just about to fall asleep, exhausted from the million hours I had spent cooped up in this jeep listening to him ramble on about useless things – like the lack of grizzlies in Alaska. Were polar bears too lowly? Was he racist?

I also wondered if he realized he had just given his surprise away – though I already knew what it was – by talking about the lack of hunting where they were living, in _Alaska_. You'd have to be deaf or stupid or both to not understand that.

Anyways, I was almost asleep when the jeep pulled to such an alarming stop that I actually screamed.

"Emmett! Did we hit something?" I shouted, clutching his arm in fright. And that's when I heard it.

The giggle.

True, a giggle isn't something that usually requires much reaction – like the anxiety and happiness I was feeling at the moment, at the same time – but this isn't just a giggle. It's The Giggle. The hyper 'OMG! A SALE! A SALE, BELLA! Ahhhh!' giggle. The only giggle I have ever enjoyed hearing in my entire life.

Alice's giggle.

The most glorious sound in the world.

"Alice!" I screamed, flinging myself out of the car and into her granite arms, literally bouncing with excitement. I hadn't been so happy since the morning of September 13th.

"Bella!" She screamed back, tossing me about twenty feet above her head. I screamed again, but mostly because I was terrified out of my freaking mind. "Ahhhh! I've missed you so much!"

"I missed you, too." She finally put me down, holding both my hands and staring at me as though I had been gone for decades rather than months. She sighed, and we both looked into the other's eyes with sad happiness. Tears gathered in mine and hers softened until it was too much, and my tears spilled over the edge, falling down my cheeks to land on the snow beneath our feet. Some froze on my skin, others on my shirt, but most dropped to the ground.

"Well, well, well." Esme came walking out of the house – a large, stone one with no plants or flower beds, like the ones Esme had so adored in Forks. A smile was spread across her entire face, so wide that her whole being seemed to smile with her. "And here I thought Alice was starting to have hallucinations along with her visions."

"Why did I see you jumping off a bridge?" Alice asked suddenly, her cold little hand closing around my wrist like a vise. My eyes lowered and Emmett's big arms were suddenly wrapped around my waist in comfort.

"Long story. Most of it revolving around September." I muttered, knowing she would understand what that meant. Her eyebrow raised slightly.

"Suicide attempt, Bella? I think he'd consider that rash or stupid."

"Stop it, Alice." I whispered. I'd had enough of talking about him today, thanks to Emmett. I couldn't handle much more. I looked up at the house again, taking in the miles of snow that seemed to stretch on forever behind it. "So, this is where the Denali family lives?"

"No, sweetheart. This is where the Cullen family lives." Carlisle said, stepping out of the house. Once again, I nearly fell down just looking at him. He was, by far, the most gorgeous of the four vampires standing before me. One arm found it's way around my shoulder, pulling me to his chest tightly. I felt a cool kiss atop my head before I was let go to be examined at arms length. He frowned. "You've lost weight."

"Yeah, I think I shivered off about fifty pounds on the way up here. Emmett is a ice freak." I said offhandedly. Carlisle continued to frown at me. "What?"

"Now that you're here with us, you'll be eating regularly, understand?" He said softly, but firmly. I nodded, feeling my face heat up. "You're beautiful, Bella. Don't ruin it."

Right. Wait. What?

"What?"

"I know teenage girls go through a lot, pressures at school being the main thing. I don't want you hurting yourself because you believe you're not pretty enough." He said. I could hear the Doctor Cullen voice being switched on and his face became one of seriousness.

I laughed.

"You are way off the mark on that one, Carlisle. I could care less what I look like. When the thing you live for is ripped out of your life, you tend to forget the necessary things like eating and sleeping." I told him, turning back to Alice to show him this topic was not interesting to me at all.

"Tell him, Bella. Or I will." Emmett's voice was low and disenchanted behind me. Carlisle's eyes darkened as he looked over my shoulder, presumably at Emmett's face, which I knew was likely twisted into an expression that made this whole deal look worse than it really was.

"Damn it, Emmett." I muttered under my breath, wishing that I was a vampire so I could kick his ass for that little addition to our conversation. Slowly, I held my hand out to Carlisle, letting it sit there in mid air for several seconds while he stared at it in confusion.

"Um, that's a very nice hand, Bella." He said uncertainly. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah? The arm isn't so nice." Emmett said harshly, stepping forward and ripping my sleeve back to reveal a few dozen puckered lines on my left arm. There was a series of quick, low growls from each of the Cullens, all of whom took a step toward me.

"Bella…" Alice's little face was heartbroken, as close to tears as she could get. Esme's was horrified beyond belief; Carlisle's simply disappointed.

"Yes, I know. This is considered both stupid and rash in your point of view, but it's not in mine. Now, I'd appreciate it if we would all stop staring at the evidence of what a little separation anxiety can do to a girl." I said calmly, pulling my sleeve back over my arm, holding the edge in my palm to ensure everything was covered. Everyone's eyes were dark, but not the type of dark that suggested thirst. It was the type of dark that suggested anger.

"That's not separation anxiety, Bells." Emmett said softly. "That's what a fucked-up, self-centered jackass has done to the only good thing he had."

"Let's not talk about that." I said, false cheerfulness lacing my voice. "Actually, let's go inside. The human is freezing right about now."

I could still feel the ice frozen onto my cheeks from my little sob fest with Alice. Esme looked dismayed that she had let her company sit outside in the freezing cold for so long and ushered me inside, picking me up and carrying me when my numb legs weren't quick enough for her. I was sitting in front of a fireplace – fake fire, I imagined. They wouldn't have a real fire in they're house, knowing it was the only thing that could kill them.

"So," I looked up at the new voice to see Rosalie sitting across from me. I was only mildly startled. I was used to them showing up in random places, what with the crazy amounts of speed they possessed both on and off the road. "Missed us, huh?"

"Oh, loads."

"Well, you missed them, didn't you?" She asked politely. I waited a few seconds, pretending to ponder her question.

"Well, yes." I said finally. "But I missed you, too."

"You did?" Her eyes were hopeful, almost overly so. I smiled, holding out my arms to her for a hug. She was in them before I could even get them open all the way, holding me tightly to herself. "I missed you, too."

"I've heard." I said mildly, noticing the startled look I received from her. Right. She didn't know I'd shown up with Emmett. "Emmett and I had a little talk on the way here."

"Emmett went to get you?" She asked, apparently startled. There seemed to be a severe lack of communication between Cullens. Maybe that's why they were all so insane.

"Yes. He, er, found me. Caught me, actually."

Her eyes darkened with understanding and I suddenly felt very vulnerable.

"Oh, God, Rose, I don't know what I'm going to do!" I sobbed, flinging myself onto her shoulder out of the blue. "I never thought this would happen! I didn't think my life would end up like this, Rose! What the Hell did I do?"

"End up like what, exactly, Bella?"

"I didn't think I'd end up falling in love with a freaking vampire! I didn't think I'd get my heart torn out at eighteen! I didn't think I'd end up slicing my skin open to feel better! I didn't think I'd jump off a goddamn bridge! I didn't think my mom would die!"

I was screaming. Why, I wasn't sure. It must have had something to do with the six months I'd spent repressing all signs of emotion. Maybe it was because this was the first time I'd actually said my mom was dead. I hadn't so much as uttered the word 'mom' or 'dead' in the three months since it happened.

The entire Cullen family – minus _him_ and Jasper – froze around me.

"Renée?" Alice asked softly.

I tore out of the room, stumbling up the stairs until I finally fell into a heap at the top. I clung to the banister, gripping it with my weak hands. My whole world was shaking madly and I didn't understand why. It took me several minutes of sobbing to realize I was trembling so badly I thought there was an earthquake. Cold arms wrapped around me, picking my shaking form up off the ground to cradle me in their arms.

"Shhh, Bella, shhh." A deep voice murmured words into my ear softly, rocking me back and forth, back and forth. I was vaguely reminded of that book called I'll Love You Forever.

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be…

It was strange, how something like this stranger's arms could bring back memories of my childhood. Memories of rocking in Renée's arms as I sobbed during a storm. Memories of her singing that book to me, lulling my eyes closed every night. As long as she was living. No longer. I was nobody's baby anymore. I didn't have someone to love me unconditionally.

"Bella, honey, shhh. What's wrong?" I looked up, finally able to see clearly. A shock of blond hair obscured my vision as I attempted to see who was kissing my head. Frustrated, I inhaled their scent in hopes of remembering.

So sweet, like the smell of the sticky red candy of a candy apple. Faintly there, slightly more rugged than your average lollipop.

"Jasper." I breathed, grabbing his face between my palms. He looked startled that I was holding on for dear life instead of running away screaming. "I never got to say I'm sorry!"

"Oh, Bella." He sighed, gripping me tighter. "Stop."

"No."

"I'm sorry, too."

"Not your fault. I sliced my finger and you did what you're supposed to. It was stupid of me to be hanging out with you guys, anyway. I don't really, you know, fit into your little… gang." I said, wiggling my fingers down the stairs at his family. "I'll get over it. Already have, actually. I'm being held here against my will. I was kidnapped."

"Not true!" Emmett shouted indignantly. "You're the one who said 'Oh, Emmett! Take me with you!' like you were some sort of actress auditioning for a soap opera!"

"I didn't know you were coming here!" I protested, letting go of Jasper and climbing down from his grasp. "Do you realize what's going to happen now?"

"Uh…no?"

"He'll be back. I'm going to have to see him." My voice raised an octave or two in terror at the thought of seeing his beautiful face again. "I can't do it again. I can't hear him say it."

"That he loves you?" Esme asked sadly, obviously uninformed of her son's last visit with me. I shook my head.

"No…that he –" I choked on my words, unable to say it myself. I should be used to it by now. I heard it every night in my sleep, every day as I looked in the mirror as blood ran down my finger and dripped into the sink. "I should sleep."

I grabbed one of the pillows from a nearby armchair and tossed it onto the couch. I lay down, curling up in a little ball as I waited impatiently for sleep to claim me. It never seemed to happen fast enough for me. It took far too long to escape the images of my life, lived in a daze.

"Nonsense." Jasper muttered, picking me up. Before I truly registered that the couch was no longer beneath me, I was laying under the duvet of a lovely bed. I looked around blearily.

"Jasper?"

"My room, Bella. Sleep."

And I did. For a very long time. In fact, I slept through until it was dark again. Although, I had a feeling that didn't take much work in Alaska. Did the sun ever come out?

When I awoke, everyone pretended like everything was fine. And because of that, everything was. I shopped online with Alice. I had my nails painted by Rose. Jasper decided I was most definitely not as up to date on civil war history as every American should be – meaning I didn't know every freaking soldier's name. Esme tried to make me breakfast and failed miserably, just like always, so I enlisted my help and taught her how to make cereal, much to her delight. Carlisle and I caught up on my hospital visits, avoiding all talk about stitches in case my arms popped into the equation. Emmett took it upon himself to teach me Grand Theft Auto on the X-box. I shot him accidentally.

Weeks went by like this. After about a month, Esme learned how to make toast, her first meal involving appliances that created heat. She was absolutely ecstatic that it was still alive. I felt so bad, I actually ate it. Charcoal and all. I managed not to kill myself while playing video games. I learned all the important names of the Civil War. And dates, locations, reasons, outcomes…Jasper is obsessed. It's an illness, according to Alice. I even bought a dress online with Alice. Things were starting to look up.

Then this happened.

Yes, this. Ominous sounding, isn't it? Well, good. Because it is.

He was standing not twenty feet from me, eyes black and cold. Everything about him exuded the same horrified feeling that his face did.

"What are you doing here?" He snarled. I took a tiny step backwards. Beautiful as he was, I was scared. I'd learned to be scared.

"I…" Forming a complete sentence was out of the question. His eyes narrowed, staring at me angrily. They flickered to his family, all of who were gathered about five feet behind me.

His gaze turned back to me, shifting slightly as he looked at my body, still not quite recovered from my 'little spell' as Emmett called it. That might also have had something to do with Esme's cooking, though.

"You look terrible." His face contorted with some unknown emotion. Hatred?

"Thank you." I finally managed to create a whole word. My eyes narrowed, too, now. "I see you haven't changed much."

"I don't change, Isabella. I'm a goddamn vampire."

"I meant your sunny disposition."

"I see." He growled, setting a bag down beside his feet. "I also see you've been attempting to get yourself killed again."

"You have no idea." I snarled, turning on my heal in preparation to storm away. I got about a half step before ice enclosed around my hand. I almost cried out with the emotional pain it caused me to touch him. I was spun around to stare him in the face, his black eyes staring down at me furiously.

"I told you to stay away."

"And we all know that was only because you didn't want your precious family associating with someone like me. Get over it…" I was about to say his name, but that pain filled my chest again. The one that felt like I couldn't breathe with the strength of it. "I was only staying to make them happy, anyways. I was actually flying…er, somewhere next week."

Alice whimpered.

"Bella?"

"Don't, Alice. I know what you saw."

"Bella." Her voice was more urgent this time. "You're not leaving. You can't leave."

"I realize I have nowhere to go, Alice. I'll organize this myself. I've been here too long. I can't anymore." I was impressed with my ability to make words come out of my mouth steadily, not a single shake in them.

My eyes wandered over his body – over his face, down his neck, across his shoulders, along his left arm, to his fingers…and hers.

My entire world shattered when I saw the fingers linked through his.

I shot my eyes towards the figure standing beside him, a tall and blonde woman of about nineteen. She was a vampire – I could tell by the golden colour of her eyes.

"Hello." She said. Her voice was a purr of sweet seduction. That couldn't be natural. "I'm Tanya. I don't believe we've met?"

"Tanya? Denali?" I asked in fake politeness. She smiled a fake smile back at me. "Nice to meet you. I'm Bella. Are you Edward's new girlfriend?"

My stomach churned as his name formed on my lips for the first time in six months. It hurt like Hell. I felt nauseous just from the way my lips moved to say it.

"Yes." She giggled. "We just got back from South Africa."

His face was dark, furious.

"Wonderful." I said sarcastically. There were a million knives being jabbed into me at random places. Mostly centered around that little beating thing that he had always been so enthralled with. Stupid thing. "I hope have more luck than I did. Perhaps you will. At least you're his species."

Everyone was silent.

"Do you love him?"

"Yes." She said with the air of someone who had just won a battle.

"Then I suggest you ignore anything that comes out of his mouth if I sounds remotely like 'I love you'. He's a filthy liar."

And I turned around, making my way up the stairs calmly. As soon as I reached Jasper's bed, I collapsed onto it, staring into oblivion.

What was the point of living now? Sure, he had always been there somewhere. I could always hope that he might come back, that this had all just been some horrible mistake and he would realize his error. That wasn't about to happen anymore. Not with her.

Her. Tall, beautiful, blonde her. Tanya Denali. The girl who had spent decades fighting for his heart. A fight she had just won. As strange as it was, I couldn't blame her. I couldn't even be angry with her. He was simply too easy to fall in love with.

Love. No, no, no. He wouldn't…would he? Had he not been celibate for over a hundred years? A picture of him moving together with her filled my mind. She was kissing him, touching him…it took all of my might not to scream.

How could I do this without spilling blood? I made my way to the bathroom, sitting on the countertop weakly. I leaned my head against the medicine cabinet. The medicine cabinet.

I flung it open, nearly screaming with delight as I found and entire bottle of extra strength Tylenol sitting right before my very eyes. It would only take eight. Would it be faster with them all?

So that's how I found myself sitting on the bathroom floor with a paper cup full of water and thirteen Tylenol lined up before me on the ceramic tiling.

"No!" Alice's voice screamed. Before I could truly react, I was shoved against a wall, held there by the pure strength of someone's arms. I looked down into the eyes of Edward Cullen and saw the rage they carried.

I screamed. This was Charlie all over again. This was anger at something I had done. Whatever it was, this was my fault, too.

"Jasper!" I screamed, gripping my arms around myself protectively. Jasper shot through the door, looking around wildly until he saw me pinned against the wall, my feet hanging three feet above the ground. "Oh, God, Charlie…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please, I'll do anything…don't…"

"Edward, put her down." Jasper said calmly, taking slow steps toward his brother. "Please, Edward, you don't know what she's been through. This is going to undo everything we've worked for in the last two months."

"Shut up, Jasper. If she's going to kill herself, I'm going to stop her." He snarled, his teeth flashing as he pulled his lips back angrily. I whimpered. I flinched, waiting for the blow, but it refused to come. Waiting would only make it worse.

"Hurry up." I begged. He looked back at me, curiosity softening his eyes slightly – only slightly. "I-I promise to leave you alone. I promise to go away and never come back. Just, please…please don't do it…"

"Don't do what?"

"Don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me. I'm sorry. I know it's not my place, but I just…I…I love…please…"

He was silent. His eyes stared at me with the same anger and hatred as they had before. I continued to shake, leaning toward Jasper all the while.

"Renée…she's – she's dead because of the…the leukemia and C-Charlie…he kind of – he snapped and I couldn't…he couldn't help it…it's not his fault – I messed up. I mentioned her and…and it was…" I broke off my sobbing explanation for a second, attempting to pull myself back together slightly. "And then…it was in the shower…shaving – it was so pretty. I…was proud that – that I could do it…you couldn't handle it – I felt, I don't know…in control of something…then Emmett came and… he caught me…on the bridge and – and I couldn't fall…_he caught me_! He ruined everything. I'm sorry."

"Isabella…"

"No!" I suddenly couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't hear him say it again. I couldn't. "I know! Don't say it! Please, don't say it!"

"Don't say what?"

"Don't tell me you don't love me. I heard it the first time. Don't say it again."

The grip he had on my upper arms lessened slightly in his reaction to my words. I fell to the floor with a thump, smacking my head off the wall hard enough to blur my vision. I must have cried out with the pain because Jasper was suddenly crouching over me protectively.

"Are you okay? I'm so sorry, Bella. I tried to get here in time…I am so sorry." His arms wrapped around me, kisses peppering my hair as he apologized.

"I'm fine."

It was the worst lie I had ever told. I was most definitely not fine. Far from it. I was in the worst kind of pain I had ever experienced.

"Bella." His eyes were not the hard, angry ones I had seen only minutes before. They were soft and horrified as they looked around Jasper's torso to peak at me. "Bella."

"Leave her, Edward. Leave her alone." Jasper's voice was raspy and upset. He hugged me to him tighter as Edward took a step closer. "Please. Just go."

"Eddie?" Tanya's head poked around the corner and her eyes lit up as she saw him. She stepped in, fingers playing teasingly with his belt buckle. "Please, Eddie? It's been _days_."

He…he had. He had done it. The image of them together filled my mind again and as hard as I tried, I couldn't seem to hold onto Jasper's shoulders any longer. My entire world went black.

"Bella…" Soft whispers were expelling cool puffs of air beside my ear, making me shiver instinctively. "Bella, wake up, sweetheart. Wake up, please."

"Jasper?" I croaked, throat dry from lack of use. My sore eyes flickered open to see a blaze of blonde hair at my right and a tall, bronze-haired figure just behind the blonde. I blinked in confusion.

"I'm here, sweetheart." He murmured, grasping my hand. I had always admired Jasper's hands. They were so strong looking and wise. The more I blinked, the clearer everything became – like Edward, who was hovering about three feet behind his blonde brother, looking terrified.

"Oh, no." I groaned. Jasper looked at me worriedly. "Is someone in danger?"

"Uh, no?"

"Why does he look so petrified?" I asked, pointing to Edward in confusion. His perfect eyes blinked, looking at the end of my finger curiously as though it might do something very cool. Jasper shook his head, smiling at me.

"He's worried about you."

"Oh." I said. "He's doesn't need to be."

"But I do, Bella. You passed out. That scared me." _He_ said, coming forth to kneel beside Jasper at the edge of my bed.

"I don't want you here just because you feel guilty."

"Bella, I don't feel guilty."

"Well. Thought you might have the decency to. Guess not."

His cold fingertips brushed my arm gently. A strange sensation that the touch on my skin was one of veneration swept over me. His eyes actually hurt to look at with the lightness of the colour now. He must have hunted while I was asleep.

"I've been a bastard, Bella. Treating you like I have been is not – never has been and never will be – acceptable. I am so unbearably sorry."

"I'm sure you'll get over it in a few hours. Now, if you don't mind, I've got to go call Charlie." I told him reassuringly. I needed a place to stay now that he and…_her_ were back. His eyes hardened and flashed angrily.

"You're not going anywhere near him ever again."

"Controlling much?" I muttered sarcastically as I looked around the room for a phone. My face was suddenly between his hands and being forced to look at him. Okay, ouch. "Let me go."

"No." He said it with so much anger that a flicker of fear passed through me, although I knew Edward would never intentionally hurt another living thing if his life depended on it. He had gone through that phase a while ago.

"Why can't I go back to Charlie's?" I asked impatiently. I had to live somewhere, obviously. The streets didn't seem like a very appealing option. Especially in the middle of nowhere, like here.

"Because he'll hurt you. He's going to be charged for this, Isabella. He's not getting away with it."

"Sure he is. First off, he doesn't know where I am. Probably thinks I'm dead. Second, when I do get home, I'm not likely to go tell the police chief that my father has been hitting me because, well, he _is_ the police chief and I got what I deserved. End of story." I said lightly. No need to make things even more difficult for myself by being all depressed about it. Edward was still shaking for some reason.

"You don't deserve that, Isabella. No one does, but someone as kind and wonderful as you deserves it even less than everyone else." He said quietly, sliding his fingers through mine. I tried to ignore how wonderful it felt to be cold again. There weren't even words to describe the feeling, but if I had to narrow it down to one word…completed.

"I'm not kind and wonderful. I'm bad. There is nothing good about me." I told him firmly. My fingers came to rest on his shoulder after disentangling themselves with his. The poor boy seemed to think he was still lying to keep me in the dark. Didn't realize I knew, did he? I did. "Surely you would know where I'm coming from."

"You think there's nothing good about me?" He asked, slightly amused. I was horrified. How could he think that?

"No! I meant that you should know about my little issue; the issue being my lack of good qualities. Or have you forgotten? People do tend to forget me easily." I reassured him. There was no point in him believing himself to be bad. Believing the opposite of what was true wasn't going to get him anywhere. "Also, you realized I'm not so great. Look at where September left us."

"You think I left because I lost interest?" _Yes, Edward, I see the horror in your eyes. I'm more perceptive than you think. I know why you left. It's because you came to your senses. Running and screaming turned out to be _your_ thing, huh?_

"It's not a secret." I said. "Or is it? Should I not tell anyone?"

"Bella, it's not a secret, it's a lie. I love you." He said silkily, his beautiful voice melting my entire body. For a second, I almost believed him.

"That's not very nice, you know. Telling me things like that. I understand that you don't want me here, but could you refrain from attempting to make my heart seize up?"

I had never seen an angel being tortured because, quite frankly, I didn't believe in God or angels and even if I did, I highly doubted God would torture an angel. Also, I had never seen Edward in pain. At this moment, I was witnessing that for the first time. Was he sitting on a pine cone?

"What can I possibly tell you to make you believe me?"

"Well, it's not looking good, honey." I said matter-of-factly. "You left, you told me you didn't want me, you showed up here with your own personal whore, you attacked me, if you loved me you wouldn't have let me in on my apparent repulsiveness…you also told me you never wanted to see me again. I'm no expert, but I think it's pretty basic that when someone loves someone else, they want them around."

"Good God, you have been a bastard." Jasper muttered from a few feet away. Edward glared at him and opened his mouth to speak, but I guessed what he was about to say.

"Jasper stays." I said quickly. I didn't want to be here alone with him.

"Bella, I want…" He began. I wouldn't give in to this.

"Where I go, Jasper goes. Or Alice or Rose or Emmett or Esme or Carlisle. One of them."

His face fell a little more as I reached for Jasper's hand. His brother took it and sat down beside me. Edward didn't seem to like that.

"All of them and not me."

"What'd you expect?"

"Honestly, Bella? I expected you to scream at me and tell me how awful I was. I expected to hear about the horror I've put you through and the near impossibility of life without us together…I expected you to hate me." He said softly. I tightened my grip on Jasper's fingers. "I dreamed about you forgiving me. It's a selfish dream, I know, but I dreamed it anyway. I wanted you to come running into my arms and tell me you love me."

"I think you can stop expecting and dreaming, Edward. I'm not doing either. Look, I've survived the last several months on my own. I'm not helpless. Look at the seventeen years before you came along. I think I get it, okay? Life's a bitch and when you want to die, it's an even bigger bitch." I was beginning to get angry. Could things get any harder? Could I hate things more than I did right now? I could maybe hate Jasper more. I couldn't hate Edward more. It was impossible to hate Edward at all. "I don't hate you and of course I forgive you. I wouldn't want to hang around me either. I'm just not going to fall for this twice. I like to think I have some sense."

"What are you going to do?" I had never seen him this miserable.

"Well, I think I'm going home. Well, actually, I'm not sure where that is. Maybe I'll go to Jake's place. Hang out for a while. Then I'm going to go for a walk to the bridge to enjoy the beautiful sunset."

Downstairs, someone growled and Emmett was suddenly on my other side. He jerked my face around to look at him and I leaned away slightly at the frightening look on his face.

"You're not going anywhere near a bridge ever again, you understand me?"

I nodded meekly.

"Why?" Edward asked, confused. Ah, yes. He hadn't heard this enlightening story yet, had he?

"It's a wonderful story." I said sarcastically. Emmett let out a moan that sort of reminded me of a destroyed painting I saw one time. It was a dark-coloured painting.

"She jumped." He whispered into his hands. "I was following her. I came back to, you know, just say hi and…she climbed up onto the rail and jumped."

A drop of clear liquid fell onto my knee and burned a hole in my jeans. I looked up to see a wet trail down Edward's white cheek. I couldn't breathe for a moment.

"Stop, Emmett." I hissed, wrapping my arms around Edward's shoulders instinctively. "You're hurting him."

Edward's arms pulled my body close to his, holding me against him as though I were the last human on earth. The only person he could ever live for. We rocked; back and forth, back and forth…

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always;

As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be…

"I miss mom." It was the only thought that popped into my mind. I hadn't even cried about her death yet. I had held it in for Charlie. Grieving came second to keeping and angry father happy. "I miss her."

"I know, Bella." He murmured roughly, like he was crying, too. "She loved you, you know. So much."

"I loved her, too." I whispered back, rubbing his back. My mind suddenly switched tracks. Why was he crying? I didn't like it when he hurt. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Everything."

"Care to elaborate?" I asked gently. This was no longer strong, slightly pig-headed Edward. This was weak, scared Edward. He gripped me tighter.

"Mostly…mostly you. I've missed you. I could barely function. Even with Tanya helping me, I ended up in South Africa instead of Belgium. Victoria is in Belgium and I ended up in fucking South Africa! Every second that passed, ever time I blinked, I saw your face. Every time the wind was warm, I felt you holding me. Every human I saw was you, Bella, something precious that I had to protect. I've ruined everything trying to protect you." He was sobbing into my shoulder as he neared the end. I held one hand on his back and one on his head, holding his face to my hair. Kneeling before me, crying, he seemed even dearer to my heart than he did when he was 'defending my honour' against Emmett's jokes. This was a man who had let down walls and revealed himself – bared his soul – to me. Me, Isabella Swan. An ordinary girl of no importance.

"Edward?" I asked, my voice wavering with what I was about to do. He lifted his head an inch or two to look at me. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything, my Bella." He breathed. No one had ever been so elated to help someone else before, I was sure of it.

"What's your thing with Tanya Denali?" I asked, wiping my cheek with my sleeve. Emmett's arm wrapped around my shoulder and Jasper's came back to my hand.

"I don't understand, my love. She was helping me find Victoria. A sort of accomplice, I suppose?" He said, brushing another stray tear from my cheek. "Why, may I ask you?"

"Because I can't even look at you anymore." I whispered, drawing my finger over his lips. I couldn't help but think… "I know what you've done, Edward. I know where you've been."

"What I've done?" He murmured. "No, Bella. Don't ever think like that. I love you and I will always love only you. I've yet to even think of another woman. There is nothing in this world, or the next, that could ever replace you."

"I want to believe you."

"Why don't you?"

"Don't you remember? 'Please, Eddie? It's been _days_…'. I couldn't take it. I passed out."

"Oh, Bella. No, no, no. We're still tracking. She meant she wanted to work on tracking…we hadn't gotten any work done in days." He told me, holding my face in his hands. "I promise you that I have never looked at her that way and I never will. I love you."

"Why did she call herself your girlfriend? And say she loved you?"

"As appealing as it may sound, feelings are not always reciprocated, my Bella. She…harbors less than kind feelings toward you. She knows you occupy every square millimeter of my heart, see, and she's just a tad jealous." He smiled lopsidedly and kissed my fingers. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

His eyes lit up like a five-year-old's on Christmas morning.

"You do?" He was almost breathless. I nodded. For the first time in six months, I actually smiled. I felt happy, not just content. I felt like I could smile all the way. I had that extra piece that let everything grow to its true size.

Especially my heart.

"Kiss me, Edward."

And he did. For several minutes. He continued to do so when he proposed. And when we got married. And he didn't stop for three weeks after I was finally changed. Now, it's our one hundredth anniversary and he's still kissing me like I'm his brand new girlfriend. It's good to know that love conquers all.

Happy concept, isn't it?


End file.
